The case for practicing people-ing again
Plus a peek inside my new tea shop + a recording of my conversation with Christine Koh + bonus content and links for members
The last week found me, more days than not, sitting in the brand-new location of Bevy, my brick-and-mortar shop stocking quality tea, tea ware, and creative supplies.
As locations go, I’m feeling pretty lucky. “Bevy North” and “Bevy South”, as I’m distinguishing them, are both situated in charming beachside towns (Manistique, in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, and St. Joseph, in the southwest corner of the state.)
Both locations even feature glimpses of Lake Michigan out the front door.
Bevy North is smack-dab in the middle of Manistique’s downtown shopping district, next door to a bustling cafe and across the street from multiple adorable boutiques.
And Bevy South, my new location, is inside the wellness center where I’ve practiced yoga for years, and went through teacher training in 2022.
I opened the Saturday before last, and the week-plus since has been a bit of a whirlwind. In the ten days since opening I’ve had many enthusiastic conversations with fellow tea lovers, tried to educate and inspire the tea-curious, and reconnected with lots of people I hadn’t seen in a while.
I’ve carried on dozens and dozens of conversations, all while getting used to navigating a new business in a new space, complete with a new-to-me point-of-sale system.
It’s been so, so fun.
And…I’m so, so tired.
Not physically so much, but definitely mentally and emotionally. I’m technically an extrovert, but as an ENFP, I straddle the line of introversion. I love being around people, often find myself having long, intense conversations with strangers, and can be very “on” in social situations - but for me, small doses of large groups go a long way: unlike a true social butterfly, I’ve always been satisfied with a tight group of besties and can happily go many weeks without interacting outside my inner circle.
Despite those tendencies, there was a time that I was much more practiced at “peopling” and would easily have passed as an extreme extrovert. I used to go to multiple media conferences each year, and for a long stint I regularly performed in and directed theatrical productions, throwing me into intense rehearsal periods with groups of new people every few months. I was even a morning radio show co-host for a couple of years, a gig which had me out in the community talking with people on the regular. I also used to just…go out a lot, whether brunching with big groups of friendlies, or sharing the karaoke mic with near-strangers.
But since Covid, when I completely stopped going to a lot of my old haunts and got used to hunkering down at home - and especially since getting remarried and settling into a new life in the country with a new, much earlier bedtime a couple years back - my social butterfly muscles haven’t gotten nearly as much flexing. They’re pretty weak, actually, the way any muscle atrophies after a long period of disuse.
Sound familiar to anyone else?
Small talk isn’t easy for me - honestly, I’d rather jump right into the conversational deep end most of the time - but I know it serves an important social purpose; and with each surface-level exchange I’m getting better at it again. Fortunately, given my enthusiasm for tea and the friendly, earnest space I’m operating my business out of, there are also plenty of opportunities to go deeper with new friends.
I’m still feeling a little awkward, still a little prone to stumbling over my words, and I admit, there are moments I wonder why I decided to leave the cozy haven of my home and computer-driven career and venture out into this big, weird, people-y world.
But then I remember that this is good for me. And it’s good for this world, too. We need to be with one another, clumsily connecting in all our awkward earnestness, reminding each other what is true about who we are and what we’re doing here on this planet.
Over and over, while working at both locations of my store, I’ve been reminded that there is a true, real world out there that is not reflected in even the most carefully-curated social media feed. It’s a world full of kind and flawed and fascinating and ordinary people living their ordinary and fascinating lives. Miraculously, those people want to know me! And I want, need, to know, and be known by, them.
It’s normal to go through periods of less “peopling”, and yes, at the moment I’m a little worn out from my abrupt re-entry. But while many of us have become a little out-of-practice in social situations over the past few years, the good news is this: those atrophied muscles will grow stronger with use.
I can, once again, become accustomed to a life of people-ing - and so can you.
One clumsy, crucial in-person connection at a time.
Would you like to follow along with my brick-and-mortar shop adventures - and also learn more about tea? I’ve created a brand-new, totally free newsletter called The Deep Steep where I’ll keep customers updated about what’s happening at Bevy and also share more information + inspiration to help you create oases of calm and connection in your life through the magic of tea!
a souper update
Earlier this week, I argued passionately that while recipes can be helpful and fun, you absolutely do not need a recipe to make a very passable soup. I absolutely loved the comment discussion about this particular “souperpower.”
Tonight I took my own advice to heart. I had a container full of Great Northern beans that I’d simmered a little too long, and had gotten a little too soft. I wasn’t sure what to do with them, but then it occurred to me: what if I did my usual soup-starting dance of gently saute-ing some veggies (this time in bacon grease), then added the beans and a bit of milk to the pot, then gave the whole thing a whirr with the immersion blender, then topped it with the crisped bacon?
I did, and it was a delicious, satisfying, simple, and CHEAP dinner. Soup: it’s what’s for dinner when you don’t know what’s for dinner. Or when you have ingredients that need to get used up. Or when you just want to flex your creative muscles in the kitchen. I highly, highly recommend trusting yourself to improvise a soup this week.
in The Kettle community this week
While nearly all of my new essays and articles are free to read, there is also a vibrant community of paid subscribers here at The Kettle who have access to bonus content and live events!
Below the paywall you’ll find:
A recording of my live video chat with
, in which we talked more about our gardening and herbal-medicine plans for the spring and shared some projects-in-progressA video tour of my new tea shop location
And, the link to access this week’s Co-Create Circle, a live opportunity to work on a creative project of your choosing with the quiet encouragement and support of your community.
Upgrade your subscription to access both of these opportunities, plus access to the entire archives here at The Kettle. Links below the paywall.
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