THIS caught my attention: "I’ve got plenty more to say about the emotional labor of midlife motherhood (spoiler: at some point, it’s pretty much all emotional labor)" Ah ha! Yes! I have yet to see someone else so perfectly encapsulate it. I was just recently talking to my husband about how my kids don't really *need me for anything anymore -- I mean, now that they're 18, 21, 24, & 27, they can & do handle life logistics all by themselves, quite well. I don't need to dress anyone or bathe anyone or get any to school or to or from and any kind of practices and yet...it doesn't exactly feel like I have free time. (More than before yes. But also, they do need me & I am parenting but in ways that are some much more amorphous that ever before. And harder to count on/plan for! I knew bedtime happened everyday...)
Funny thing is, I had a whole essay about the "emotional labor of midlife motherhood" planned, but the further I got into it the bigger and more unwieldy it got...and after feeling All. The. Emotions. after having my big kids home for the holidays, I really just needed time away from them before I could effectively write about it! Enter: grounding routines, the medicine this midlife mom needs right now while I process the roller coaster ride I just went on. I will DEFINITELY be digging into this more soon, though.
"But also, they do need me & I am parenting but in ways that are some much more amorphous that ever before. And harder to count on/plan for! I knew bedtime happened everyday...)"
Yes! It's both logistics and emotional needs that are unpredictable. After school activities for my high-schooler that sometimes -but not always - end after the last bus. Dropping off forgotten essentials - like a winter coat - at my college student's dorm downtown or a random Saturday afternoon visit because he misses the cat (and us, I suspect). Not to mention the unpredictable nature of when they decide to TALK, i.e. actually share information about their lives rather than monosyllabic grunts. Nothing is a burden or unpleasant (Okay, maybe sitting in front of the high school seemingly forever at 6:30 pm on your way home from work when you're just DONE for the day) but it's harder to plan around.
Yes. It's the randomness of when and how you might be called upon that can be so difficult to be prepared for. Also, navigating what "house rules" look like for kids who are technically guests...hard. Like, I wouldn't insist that a house guest be awake before noon or pitch in with chores. But a kid home from college is a different story. Unfortunately said kid does not believe this to be true...
I feel this so much. My college kid slept until 2:30 last Friday. PM. On one hand, it was a nice quiet way to enjoy my last weekday off with the other one in school and my husband out of town. But really, dude?
I got all bent out of shape when I had "fun family outings" planned two days in a row and basically had to blast the kids out of bed for them. I moped, martyred, and was not at all the best version of myself for about a 36 hour period, which is when I think I realized how emotionally exhausted I really was.
So beautiful Meagan. Since my knee surgery in early November I was forced to change my workout routines. I am finding a new love for the Y that we belong to and using the good old stationary bike because it helped me heal my knee. I find this challenge exciting as I push myself a little further each time. It's so refreshing to change things up once in a while and if you would have asked me a year ago if I would ever do a stationary bike I would have just laughed.
I hear ya on the winter walks. I adore walking in the brisk cold winter air, but i had to turn back early on my walk yesterday because of the intense winds and black ice hiding under the dusting of snow lingering on the ground. I hated it because I loved how refreshed I felt, but after two back surgeries, I'm wary of slipping and falling (and also of getting hit by a falling tree branch in the high winds). An indoor walking place would be ideal, and I actually would consider the mall if it were closer, lol. I do have a small indoor treadmill that I don't utilize, and I should. It's safer and it's RIGHT THERE. Thanks for the inspiration. ❤️
Back before Covid (and three jobs ago when I worked part-time and had more control over my schedule) I walked several times a week at a high school track in one of our nearby suburbs. It was on my way to work and had early morning weekend hours. I wasn't a resident so I had to pay a whopping $30 per year which was no big deal. I was training to walk a half-marathon and it was a nice change from the exercise videos I do at home. Doesn't work with my current job and I miss it!
THIS caught my attention: "I’ve got plenty more to say about the emotional labor of midlife motherhood (spoiler: at some point, it’s pretty much all emotional labor)" Ah ha! Yes! I have yet to see someone else so perfectly encapsulate it. I was just recently talking to my husband about how my kids don't really *need me for anything anymore -- I mean, now that they're 18, 21, 24, & 27, they can & do handle life logistics all by themselves, quite well. I don't need to dress anyone or bathe anyone or get any to school or to or from and any kind of practices and yet...it doesn't exactly feel like I have free time. (More than before yes. But also, they do need me & I am parenting but in ways that are some much more amorphous that ever before. And harder to count on/plan for! I knew bedtime happened everyday...)
Funny thing is, I had a whole essay about the "emotional labor of midlife motherhood" planned, but the further I got into it the bigger and more unwieldy it got...and after feeling All. The. Emotions. after having my big kids home for the holidays, I really just needed time away from them before I could effectively write about it! Enter: grounding routines, the medicine this midlife mom needs right now while I process the roller coaster ride I just went on. I will DEFINITELY be digging into this more soon, though.
"But also, they do need me & I am parenting but in ways that are some much more amorphous that ever before. And harder to count on/plan for! I knew bedtime happened everyday...)"
Yes! It's both logistics and emotional needs that are unpredictable. After school activities for my high-schooler that sometimes -but not always - end after the last bus. Dropping off forgotten essentials - like a winter coat - at my college student's dorm downtown or a random Saturday afternoon visit because he misses the cat (and us, I suspect). Not to mention the unpredictable nature of when they decide to TALK, i.e. actually share information about their lives rather than monosyllabic grunts. Nothing is a burden or unpleasant (Okay, maybe sitting in front of the high school seemingly forever at 6:30 pm on your way home from work when you're just DONE for the day) but it's harder to plan around.
Yes. It's the randomness of when and how you might be called upon that can be so difficult to be prepared for. Also, navigating what "house rules" look like for kids who are technically guests...hard. Like, I wouldn't insist that a house guest be awake before noon or pitch in with chores. But a kid home from college is a different story. Unfortunately said kid does not believe this to be true...
I feel this so much. My college kid slept until 2:30 last Friday. PM. On one hand, it was a nice quiet way to enjoy my last weekday off with the other one in school and my husband out of town. But really, dude?
I got all bent out of shape when I had "fun family outings" planned two days in a row and basically had to blast the kids out of bed for them. I moped, martyred, and was not at all the best version of myself for about a 36 hour period, which is when I think I realized how emotionally exhausted I really was.
Yes, I only have one, and the same questions arise. Treat her like a guest? Expect some help?
So beautiful Meagan. Since my knee surgery in early November I was forced to change my workout routines. I am finding a new love for the Y that we belong to and using the good old stationary bike because it helped me heal my knee. I find this challenge exciting as I push myself a little further each time. It's so refreshing to change things up once in a while and if you would have asked me a year ago if I would ever do a stationary bike I would have just laughed.
I hear ya on the winter walks. I adore walking in the brisk cold winter air, but i had to turn back early on my walk yesterday because of the intense winds and black ice hiding under the dusting of snow lingering on the ground. I hated it because I loved how refreshed I felt, but after two back surgeries, I'm wary of slipping and falling (and also of getting hit by a falling tree branch in the high winds). An indoor walking place would be ideal, and I actually would consider the mall if it were closer, lol. I do have a small indoor treadmill that I don't utilize, and I should. It's safer and it's RIGHT THERE. Thanks for the inspiration. ❤️
Beans for the win! And the school. And the library. All good wishes in 2025.
Best wishes to you, too, Mary!
Back before Covid (and three jobs ago when I worked part-time and had more control over my schedule) I walked several times a week at a high school track in one of our nearby suburbs. It was on my way to work and had early morning weekend hours. I wasn't a resident so I had to pay a whopping $30 per year which was no big deal. I was training to walk a half-marathon and it was a nice change from the exercise videos I do at home. Doesn't work with my current job and I miss it!
I'm so curious about walking a half-marathon. RUNNING one sounds like absolute torture to me, but I love to walk...how did it go?
Celebrating old familiar routines and some fresher ones with you, Meagan ...
Love it, Linda! Happy New Year!