Oh, wow...Meagan, I feel this so deeply. I tried to box God in and run from him for years, especially after my mom died; I constructed a false narrative, based on my perception of Christianese, until God finally caught up with me and the walls broke down.
I also found it really hard to talk openly about my faith journey, since I didn't want people to make assumptions about my journey or beliefs that weren't true...at some point, I guess I stopped caring about that and started sharing more. But it's always a little challenging to let such vulnerable, impactful pieces of me out into the open!
I also really appreciate your ownership of personal deconstruction, rather than faith deconstruction...my experience was much the same. I had to do a lot of deconstructing of myself, as well as my preconceived notions of what Christianity is or what the Bible is.
I'm so touched by your kind mention - it's a real privilege to get to share in your faith journey. Thank you for being alongside me in mine, too.
For years, I've felt this "full circle" nature to my own faith journey... moving away from what I've known only to find myself "back" but in an entirely new way. Sometimes down the mountain, below the same vantage point I had before... sometimes up, up, and up, seeing the same things but from above.
I think it's a beautiful, albeit disorienting, part of the journey.
The beginning of March is a funny time for me to sort of pause and take stock of this in my own life, but it's when, a few years apart, there were events that shook or shattered me enough to find my own "freefall," so I appreciate the timing of your post!
It is a strange moment to be a Christian. I’m a baptized baby Catholic, raised by agnostic UUs(left the church as I was about to start CCD) who always had a religious bent and ended up Episcopalian, but an Anglo Catholic one (though I’m literally Roman ancestry lol). I also follow the folks you mention. I was brought up to value politics over religion and I value religion over politics. One of the great joys of growing older is that it feels like you have so many different lives - thank God for this blessing! ❤️
Loved reading this, Meagan. I grew up Lutheran and now we attend a non-denominational church. I still miss the traditions and rituals of my childhood though, and you'll never catch me with my hands up during worship music. 😆
'(Grief is a sneaky one. After I let her in through that barely-cracked window, I think she went and threw the front door wide open, without even asking, to let God in.)'
Yeah. Isn't that the way He often works. I'm moved by your story this morning, Meagan.
I loved reading this beautiful essay, Meagan. It was so thoughtful, so full of hope, and yet not swerving around the notion that you might still be being put back together. I too can identify with grief and finding spirit in that empty space.
This is one of my favorite parts: "Back when I was so sure I had it all together, God had stopped making any sense. When, in freefall, I realized that actually I had absolutely nothing together, I circled all the way back around. He was the only thing that made sense."
Thank you for sharing this story. I think it’s sometimes hard to write about faith without proselytizing, but you nailed it. Like many, I’ve been struggling with my own faith/religion since before the pandemic. I remember feeling so certain in my 20s and early 30s, but I’ve changed so much that I’m not sure where I fit anymore, or even if I want to fit. I think I miss the community the most.
Oh, wow...Meagan, I feel this so deeply. I tried to box God in and run from him for years, especially after my mom died; I constructed a false narrative, based on my perception of Christianese, until God finally caught up with me and the walls broke down.
I also found it really hard to talk openly about my faith journey, since I didn't want people to make assumptions about my journey or beliefs that weren't true...at some point, I guess I stopped caring about that and started sharing more. But it's always a little challenging to let such vulnerable, impactful pieces of me out into the open!
I also really appreciate your ownership of personal deconstruction, rather than faith deconstruction...my experience was much the same. I had to do a lot of deconstructing of myself, as well as my preconceived notions of what Christianity is or what the Bible is.
I'm so touched by your kind mention - it's a real privilege to get to share in your faith journey. Thank you for being alongside me in mine, too.
For years, I've felt this "full circle" nature to my own faith journey... moving away from what I've known only to find myself "back" but in an entirely new way. Sometimes down the mountain, below the same vantage point I had before... sometimes up, up, and up, seeing the same things but from above.
I think it's a beautiful, albeit disorienting, part of the journey.
The beginning of March is a funny time for me to sort of pause and take stock of this in my own life, but it's when, a few years apart, there were events that shook or shattered me enough to find my own "freefall," so I appreciate the timing of your post!
It is a strange moment to be a Christian. I’m a baptized baby Catholic, raised by agnostic UUs(left the church as I was about to start CCD) who always had a religious bent and ended up Episcopalian, but an Anglo Catholic one (though I’m literally Roman ancestry lol). I also follow the folks you mention. I was brought up to value politics over religion and I value religion over politics. One of the great joys of growing older is that it feels like you have so many different lives - thank God for this blessing! ❤️
Loved reading this, Meagan. I grew up Lutheran and now we attend a non-denominational church. I still miss the traditions and rituals of my childhood though, and you'll never catch me with my hands up during worship music. 😆
'(Grief is a sneaky one. After I let her in through that barely-cracked window, I think she went and threw the front door wide open, without even asking, to let God in.)'
Yeah. Isn't that the way He often works. I'm moved by your story this morning, Meagan.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful journey. I love to read Tsh too ❤️
I loved reading this beautiful essay, Meagan. It was so thoughtful, so full of hope, and yet not swerving around the notion that you might still be being put back together. I too can identify with grief and finding spirit in that empty space.
This is one of my favorite parts: "Back when I was so sure I had it all together, God had stopped making any sense. When, in freefall, I realized that actually I had absolutely nothing together, I circled all the way back around. He was the only thing that made sense."
Beautifully written Meagan. Thanks so much for sharing!
Thank you for sharing this story. I think it’s sometimes hard to write about faith without proselytizing, but you nailed it. Like many, I’ve been struggling with my own faith/religion since before the pandemic. I remember feeling so certain in my 20s and early 30s, but I’ve changed so much that I’m not sure where I fit anymore, or even if I want to fit. I think I miss the community the most.