Holiday mothering from an emptying nest

Plus observing Advent, decorating and baking in the December Journal episode of The Tea's Made

Hello friend,

As I’m settling in to write this in my usual corner of the sofa early Sunday morning, my 21-year-old son Will is snuggled up at the other end, sound asleep. He got in late last night, and was greeted by his brother and sister - I was already out for the night, my typical 9 PM bedtime already stretched to its outer limits (I made it to 10:30, people!) by the presence of night-owl young people.

Eric took Isaac to the airport at 4:30 AM; Owen headed back to college yesterday, and Jacob will be leaving with his dad in a couple of hours to catch a flight back to school himself. I want to wake Will - who was a surprise, late-coming arrival this year - up, give him a hug, fuss over him a little, make him breakfast.

But for now I’m sitting in a quiet house that will, soon enough, become more permanently quiet again as the young men head back to their new independent lives, and Clara, Eric and I resume our daily lives as a much smaller family.

This is our first holiday season with most of my adult kids scattered to the winds. For years the oldest two were in and out, but they were always outnumbered by the three still at home. Last year, it worked out that most of them were home for the entire month of December. But now the oldest three boys are well and truly launched¹, and with their 18-year-old brother at college far away, Thanksgiving felt less like a leisurely, pajama-clad hangout session, and more like a logistical puzzle of comings and goings marked by only a few brief moments when we were all (well, most of us anyway) together.

We made the most of those moments, to be sure, with meals and movies and card-game sessions, but the part of my brain that, as a younger mother, got used to the omnipresence of my offspring is having a hard time switching gears to this much more short and structured time together. As my kids get older and more and more their schedules are dictated by their lives outside my home, I can see how much more intentional I’ll have to be about the way we shape our time together: there just isn’t enough of it anymore to take casual moments of connection for granted.

A part of me is sad about that, but I also know that getting here has been the point all along. I didn’t raise kids to have kids forever; I raised them to become their own people with their own lives and goals and dreams, and their own worlds that now much-less-fundamentally overlap with mine.

I started my holiday decorating over the weekend, and since the majority of my kids won’t be back home until just a few days before Christmas - and Clara will be busy at school and spending every other week at her dad’s house - I’ll be spending much of December enjoying it in a quiet, forward-thinking fashion: curled up in front of twinkling lights with, my spouse, a notebook and calendar, and a cup of chamomile while I make gift lists and plan travel and guest logistics for our five-day window of togetherness, three weeks in the future.

This is what motherhood looks like much of the time now, even leading up to the holidays. It’s a stark contrast to what it looked like for a solid decade-and-a-half of active parenting, and sometimes, yes I’m a little sad about it. But it’s pleasant, too, and not without its perks.

It occurs to me that nearly every stage of motherhood has brought along with it a mixture of joy and pain. When my babies were small, I missed my independence, but reveled in the tactile comforts of motherhood. These days I’m embracing the relaxed pleasures of a quiet, near-empty house, but getting used to the quiet can be a challenge. Especially during the holiday season.

It’s now hours later and I’m finally finishing this letter. Will woke up and Jacob came downstairs, so I made them coffee while we caught up and got Jacob out the door. Then more time hanging out with Will as he shared future plans. Clara finally meandered down and we watched an episode of Arrested Development with leftover pie. It could have been any leisurely weekend morning, except these days, getting to spend so much time with my older kids feels extravagant instead of just everyday.

I’ll be writing more about the experience of mothering from a quickly-emptying nest during the holiday season over the next few weeks - how I’m observing old traditions (and creating new ones) without small helpers and appreciators in the mix, how I’m doubling-down on the things that bring me comfort and joy, how I’m learning to make the most of limited in-person time spent with my kids.

Think of it as this mom’s mini-course in making magic for herself, during a season when she’s been accustomed to creating it for others. Stay tuned for more.

On the podcast…

The December Journal episode of The Tea’s Made podcast published today! You can listen by clicking the play button below, or anywhere you find podcasts.

In the episode I’m talking about my plans for decorating and baking this month, in addition to how I’m hoping to observe Advent this year. I lit a candle early this morning - my first time doing this at home! - and then realized I put the candles in the wrong order and lit the wrong one, whoops!

Read more about the power of solo rituals in this post:

Making our own Christmas magic

Holiday-Inspired Teas:

This episode’s tea feature was courtesy of BEVY Magazine (included in every BevyBox!)

Want to give your daily tea ritual a dose of holiday inspiration? Check out five of my festive favorites:

• Harney & Sons White Christmas

• Harney & Sons Celebration

• Morning Light from Smith Teamaker

• Smith Tea - Morning Light

• Winter Wonderland Rooibos Herbal Tisane from Simpson & Vail

And be sure to check out my gift guide for tea lovers.

Also mentioned in the episode…

Minimalist Advent candle holder

Order your BevyBox by 12/7 to ship by 12/12. (A note that I’m giving away free issues of BEVY Magazine - check out this post for details)

The Nordic Winter Cookbook by Viola Virtamo

The Calm Christmas podcast with

Beth Kempton

Last call to order your holiday 2024 BevyBox…

There’s just a few days left before the current ordering window closes to pre-order a holiday 2024 BevyBox from Bevy, my tea and craft company! The BevyBox is a gift box hand-curated by me and featuring tea, craft supplies and other special goodies, plus a copy of BEVY, a lovely, illustrated print magazine, featuring articles about tea, creativity, connection and more with journal pages and places for you to make notes. The current ordering window closes on December 7 for shipping by December 12.

Use the code TEA15 at BevyBox.co for 15% off your BevyBox.

That’s it for this month’s Journal, friends. Again, for a deeper dive into some of the above, listen to my most recent episode of The Tea’s Made podcast. And check back for a new episode on December 15, when I’ll be talking with

CJ | A Well-Read Tart

about letting literature inspire our cooking and baking - during the holidays and all year long!

Warmly,

Meagan

1. Meaning, they are currently living independently away from my home, not away at college with the expectation that they’ll be with us on holidays. I realize fully that this status can and likely will change at some point with one or another of them!