I got married at 36, and even though we had been together for 13 years by that point I had always said I would never change my name. Really why should we? I was happy for my Dad to walk me in to our ceremony, but he wasn't allowed to 'give me away' either, which he found hilarious. As I told him, I'm not luggage, you don't get to hand me over to someone else and wash your hands of me.
I got married at 40 and didn't change my name. I had been against it since I was a teenager, plus the complications of a name-change and a long career under my maiden name. My husband wasn't thrilled, but went along with it. Once we had kids, I seriously considered changing it but it was going to be expensive and a hassle, and he had a bit of a negative reaction rather than being happy about it, so I didn't. Then he died. Now my daughter, who is still young, wants to have the same last name as me (her twin hasn't asked). I don't want to sever that connection to her dad, but also don't want to change my name. So yes, it is complicated.
I was almost 35 when I first got married, and I decided not to change my name for a variety of reasons - outdated practice, paperwork hassle, and the fact that my husband's last name ends in an "el" sound that didn't sound great combined with my first name. My only hangup now is that I don't have the same last name as my son, but it has never caused any issues. People don't seem to know how to address mail to us either. I don't really mind when people use my husband's last name to refer to our family, but I hesitate to do it myself and sometimes wish we had an easy shorthand or shared initial. The family crest is a great idea!
I loved reading your thoughts on this! And it all makes sense to me why you wouldn't change your last name. But I never thought/felt like I was my husband's property because I took his last name. But that's just me! :)
I never felt that way when I shared my ex's last name, either - but, historically, the tradition of a woman taking her husband's last name originates from a time when she was considered his property. So it's complicated, right? I really believe we can take outdated practices and make them our own modern expressions of commitment - but for many those connotations are too embedded to be overcome. Mostly I just wish there wasn't so damn much paperwork to deal with in the world. Call me Mrs. Johnson all day long - I just don't wanna have it on my license (and my medical records, and my tax returns, annnnd....)
I got married at 36, and even though we had been together for 13 years by that point I had always said I would never change my name. Really why should we? I was happy for my Dad to walk me in to our ceremony, but he wasn't allowed to 'give me away' either, which he found hilarious. As I told him, I'm not luggage, you don't get to hand me over to someone else and wash your hands of me.
I got married at 40 and didn't change my name. I had been against it since I was a teenager, plus the complications of a name-change and a long career under my maiden name. My husband wasn't thrilled, but went along with it. Once we had kids, I seriously considered changing it but it was going to be expensive and a hassle, and he had a bit of a negative reaction rather than being happy about it, so I didn't. Then he died. Now my daughter, who is still young, wants to have the same last name as me (her twin hasn't asked). I don't want to sever that connection to her dad, but also don't want to change my name. So yes, it is complicated.
I was almost 35 when I first got married, and I decided not to change my name for a variety of reasons - outdated practice, paperwork hassle, and the fact that my husband's last name ends in an "el" sound that didn't sound great combined with my first name. My only hangup now is that I don't have the same last name as my son, but it has never caused any issues. People don't seem to know how to address mail to us either. I don't really mind when people use my husband's last name to refer to our family, but I hesitate to do it myself and sometimes wish we had an easy shorthand or shared initial. The family crest is a great idea!
I loved reading your thoughts on this! And it all makes sense to me why you wouldn't change your last name. But I never thought/felt like I was my husband's property because I took his last name. But that's just me! :)
I never felt that way when I shared my ex's last name, either - but, historically, the tradition of a woman taking her husband's last name originates from a time when she was considered his property. So it's complicated, right? I really believe we can take outdated practices and make them our own modern expressions of commitment - but for many those connotations are too embedded to be overcome. Mostly I just wish there wasn't so damn much paperwork to deal with in the world. Call me Mrs. Johnson all day long - I just don't wanna have it on my license (and my medical records, and my tax returns, annnnd....)
I do sometimes miss my maiden name, it was easier to spell / pronounce. ;)
Every now and then I see a married name where I'm like, ooof...I may have chosen differently. Bell-Pepper is one that comes to mind.
I get that! You'll always be Meagan Francis to me. Ha! :)